Fug » ShoeLaLa

Paging Dr. Cuddy - your outfit is coding!

Jan 122009

Photo from Jezebel.com

The Golden Globes best and worst fashion post over at Jezebel was full of some absolutely gorgeous dresses and some true horrors. And as always, I was scanning the shoes. There’s always at least one pair that hits the fug radar, and this year didn’t disappoint!

But oh Dr. Cuddy, why did it have to be you?!

Avert your eyes from the oversized black satin karate belt for a second and look at the shoes.

Maybe these black uber-strappy-to-the-ankle front-zippered heels would work with another outfit…maybe. But with a sparkly, slinky black dress to the Golden Globes? Has Dr. Cuddy been into House’s Vicodin stash?

Lisa Edelstein is gorgeous but this is just not on. Next time, she should ask Hugh Laurie what he thinks of her shoes before the event. I have a feeling he’s a shoe man.

(Not that I have a super huge swoony crush on Dr. House. Because I don’t. Really. He’s not dreamy at all. His piercing blue eyes and rugged good looks and cutting wit do nothing for me. Nothing at all.)

More high-heeled horrors: Crocs

Fug, Wacky & Tacky No Responses »

Oct 112008

While we’re on the topic of footwear that should NEVER have high heels, I have to mention the dreaded high-heeled Crocs.

Full disclosure: I will admit to owning a pair of crocs (the original kind, before they came out with 239420348203498 variations). Sure, they’re big and clunky, but damn those things are comfy. So I understand the appeal.

I’m sure someone at the Croc factory was thinking, Gosh these are comfy…if only there were a way to make heels this comfy…wait a minute…EUREKA!!

But adding a heel to chunky, rubbery slippers? Let me tell you, that’s about as hott as it sounds.

Stop the footwear-combining madness, people! Do you want comfy slippers, or do you want heels? You can’t have it both ways without invoking the fug!

Sasquatch Chic

Designers, Fug, Wacky & Tacky 1 Response »

Jun 122008

Shouting “It’s a sandal! It’s a boot! It’s .. sasquatch?”, style blog Kiss Me Stace roasted these truly hideous gladiator boots, comparing them to the superfug Uggs and suggesting that “these hair-like fringy tall shoes” could conceal the hairy patches left after a rushed shave job.

Confession time: during my time as an undergraduate student, I went two years without shaving my legs. I had gotten fed up with hearing about women lamenting that they had turned down a fun day at the beach because they hadn’t had time to shave. Why should a bit of leg hair dictate your leisure time? I don’t like the social pressure that women feel, that they HAVE to shave their legs or they simply can’t go out. So I decided to just stop. It was an interesting social and personal experiment, simultaneously scary and liberating, and I recommend it to every woman. And let me tell you, it is quite a thing to feel your leg hair rustling in a warm summer breeze.

But eventually I went back to shaving, because no matter how irritating it is, high heels just don’t work with a leg mane. The few times I tried it, I was not thrilled to discover that any attempt to conceal the leg fro by wearing nylons was thwarted because the hairs pushed through the mesh, sticking out perpendicular to the leg. Not hot. So my love of shoes won me back over to the shaving side. But I still won’t let a bit of leg fro stop me from leaving the house in a skirt.

p.s.: these gladiator-fringe boots? Fail. The only person on this earth who can pull off any kind of fringe is Dolly Parton, and she does so with a special operating permit.

Adieu, fug oldies...it's been a slice.

Fug, my shoes No Responses »

Jun 022008

Well, it’s time to say goodbye to some shoes.

I got these “Dallas” inspired fugsters at my local Value Village second hand shop for about 4 bucks. They have a low, yet impossibly wobbly heel, and are oh so ugly in a way that I somehow find endearing. Naturally, I couldn’t resist.

As you can imagine, I have never worn these shoes. Not once. And I keep thinking that I will find a way to wear them, ironically of course. But let’s be honest – they’ll probably continue to sit in my closet.

So in the coming weeks, barring some kind of shoe-related amnesia, these unfortunate soles are going to find their way back to the second hand shop. *slow wave goodbye*

Avert thine eyes! Seriously fug footwear alert.

Designers, Wacky & Tacky No Responses »

May 252008

Sweet Jesus, what an ugly shoe. The ill-fitted toe with flayed out foot, the grossly flared heel, the garish colours and ill-coordinated materials (let’s add the stockings and silky flowered PJs to that). It all looks like a twisted garden party in Wonderland. Cup of tea anyone?

Gossip blog Jezebel puts this shoe in the category of “the ugliest expensive shit you ever saw.” An astute observation if there ever was one.

Clearly someone over at Prada decided to see just what they and their over-hyped brand could get away with. Have a bit of fun. See if people with $800 bucks to drop on a pair of heels will blindly clamour for anything designer, no matter how hideous it may be.

Next season’s hottest accessory – a sweater woven from old shag carpet, beaded with the droppings of the endangered mountain hare! Dance, puppets, dance!

CL Hellraisers

celebrities, Designers, Fug No Responses »

Mar 062008

Rachel Bilson was spotted out and about in a pair of Christian Louboutin Ariella studded boots.

Studded for her pleasure?

Seriously, what ARE these?

First of all, I should come clean and declare upfront my absolute LOATHING for ankle boots. But these CL’s just take that loathing to a whole new level. The all-over stud job is just a little too “I’m so badass! Look at me drop $1200 bucks on a pair of designer boots!”

To be charitable, I think a very few people could pull these boots off, with the right look. But those people are few and far between, and Rachel Bilson just isn’t one of them.

Christian Louboutin: The Geriatric Collection

Designers, Fug 1 Response »

Feb 172008

Man, I have got to score a pair of these for my grandmother. Sure, the 5″ heel would probably lead to a broken hip, but these platforms would really take those elastic-waisted polyester pants to the next level.

Seriously, Christian Louboutin must be trying to tap the granny market; what else could explain these hideous shoes? Three shades of beige, an unholy trinity of suede/wood/mannequin plastic, and a handy zipper with a nice big pull-tag for those slowing motor skills. All the hot broads in the nursing homes will be clamouring for them.

You can snap up these fug wonders for just over a thousand bucks, if you can handle it.