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Galliano shoes for Dior Spring 2009 - the good and the "what the hell?"

Sep 292008

Today Jezebel commented on the collection John Galliano just showed in Paris for the Christian Dior Spring 2009 collection, saying that the heels were “either torturous bondage-esque contraptions or – in one case – crafted so that the wearer appears to be held up by tiny fertility dolls.”

If these are what they meant by torturous bondage-esque contraptions, then bring it on. I think these are actually pretty fabulous:

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t pull these off in a million years. But I just love the height, the heel shape, the triangley strappiness, and that fierce red colour (can I say fierce? I know, it’s over.)

However, the fertility dolls heels are just a little too “what the hell” for my taste:

I think that John Galliano must have been sitting in his study admiring all of his worldly artefacts from years of exotic travel, spotted a beautiful African fertility doll, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to incorporate it into his work. However, I am lost as to how that translates into shiny chrome, tacky chain-link fence, and sugary fuscia.

Seeing a traditional African symbol under the heel of a ridiculously overpriced and frivolus consumer product with a brand name stamp makes me think that this has to be some kind of covert social commentary. And then there’s the underfed fashion model vs. curvy, fertile womanly body angle. Maybe Galliano is cooler than I thought.

Avert thine eyes! Seriously fug footwear alert.

Designers, Wacky & Tacky No Responses »

May 252008

Sweet Jesus, what an ugly shoe. The ill-fitted toe with flayed out foot, the grossly flared heel, the garish colours and ill-coordinated materials (let’s add the stockings and silky flowered PJs to that). It all looks like a twisted garden party in Wonderland. Cup of tea anyone?

Gossip blog Jezebel puts this shoe in the category of “the ugliest expensive shit you ever saw.” An astute observation if there ever was one.

Clearly someone over at Prada decided to see just what they and their over-hyped brand could get away with. Have a bit of fun. See if people with $800 bucks to drop on a pair of heels will blindly clamour for anything designer, no matter how hideous it may be.

Next season’s hottest accessory – a sweater woven from old shag carpet, beaded with the droppings of the endangered mountain hare! Dance, puppets, dance!

Marc Jacobs gives Ronald MacDonald some bad-assed glam

celebrities, Designers 2 Responses »

May 192008

Okay, so that’s a little unfair. But the clown makeup…!

Ok, I confess, I love it.

I’m torn about the shoes. The ‘wedge with highlighted heel’ thing. But somehow it works with this whole ensemble.

Dlisted posted this and other fabulous photos from a Marc Jacob shoot for Interview Magazine, including one other with questionably fug shoes.

Don't be a heel - Antonio Berardis' heel-less shoes

celebrities, Designers, Wacky & Tacky No Responses »

Mar 022008

British designer Antonio Berardi has created a pair of heel-less high heels. The Daily Mail suggests wearers accessorize with a matching crash helmet.

Berardi was apparently inspired by Latin American music and 1980′s post-modernism (oh geezus, can a grad student never escape post-modernism?!)

As can be expected, celebrities (that special class of novelty-addicted people with too much time and money on their hands) are flocking to purchase these pricey immobilizers.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Uma Thurman, and Victoria Beckham are apparently on this list – can you imagine them together at a cocktail party, all teetering around in these ridiculous things?

Never mind the shoes; I can’t imagine them at a cocktail party together period. Gwyneth would be staring mournfully out the window, Victoria would be glaring at the buffet spread, and Uma would be busting some ninja moves on Darryl Hannah…wait, who invited her?

Christian Louboutin: The Geriatric Collection

Designers, Fug 1 Response »

Feb 172008

Man, I have got to score a pair of these for my grandmother. Sure, the 5″ heel would probably lead to a broken hip, but these platforms would really take those elastic-waisted polyester pants to the next level.

Seriously, Christian Louboutin must be trying to tap the granny market; what else could explain these hideous shoes? Three shades of beige, an unholy trinity of suede/wood/mannequin plastic, and a handy zipper with a nice big pull-tag for those slowing motor skills. All the hot broads in the nursing homes will be clamouring for them.

You can snap up these fug wonders for just over a thousand bucks, if you can handle it.

And now for something completely different: Jimmy Choo Metallic Python pump

Designers 1 Response »

Feb 162008

At first glance, this is a pretty swoonworthy shoe.

Of course, one can expect a Jimmy Choo to be gorgeous and unfortunately, made of cows, and this shoe is no exception. Looking at this picture, I assumed the gold, textured surface was made of well-tailored sequins or something. I thought the ‘python’ in the name of the shoe referenced a look rather than, well, a snake.

But looking closer at the enlarged picture on the Jimmy Choo site, I realized, gee, that really looks like actual python. Yikes. I suppose this is terribly naive of me, but somehow I didn’t think that people actually made party shoes out of snakes in this age of fabulous faux technologies. I mean, who got the idea to capture writhing, killer pythons and fashion sparkly stiletto pumps out of them?

Quelle bizarre!